A Post to My Unborn Son

Your mother loves having you in her belly.  In fact, I find her in strange places around the house lying down on the carpet in order to feel you move.  She giggles a lot as you move around.  Her light shines through her smile as she laughs and places her hand on her stomach.  Soon, you will better understand the light of which I write.  She is an angel, my son.  When you are older, you will share the honor of protecting her so that her goodness can spread throughout our world.

I am jealous of our mother because she has already formed a bond with you.  Both of your souls dance together.  This is why I have never found her more beautiful.  Though, I am sure when you are born, somehow I will find her even more gorgeous with the wisdom that she gave birth to you, my son.

You will be different, Willy.  This, I can promise.  Because of this, I can also promise that your life will be difficult.  However, you will come to understand this difficulty as a privilege given only to those who have the courage to face their inner demons and rise above their false egos.  Also, people will think I am a bad father.  They will believe this because I will not spoil you with gifts or allow you to be the center of attention when you have not earned it.  “Good job,” will only be used when you have done something to deserve praise.  You will be tough so that you can handle the darkness of our world, but you will be soft so that in this darkness you can bend, not break.

We will both teach you all about love, joy, freedom, and God.  However, I will teach you to master your pain and rise above your suffering.  This may make your resent me in some moments, but I know you will always respect me.  I know this because I am creating myself into a man worthy of honor and respect.  This, my son, comes with discipline, courage, and fortitude.

Society will not be your teacher.  You will learn from the wind and rain.  We will work to liberate the self so that you, myself, and your mother can find bliss in all moments.  Your body is the temple in which your soul lives, so you will be strong and healthy and you will understand why we live disciplined lives.  When you ask a question, I will tell you the truth.  If you are old enough to ask the question, you are old enough to hear the answer.  You will not grow in our image, but in your own.  When you are old enough to choose what to believe, you will be free to travel that path.

True love has created you.  We know you have chosen us as your parents, so we work diligently every day to become the parents you knew we could be.  Everyday I tell your mother how beautiful she is and she smiles at me like someone who has touched God.  Everyday she kisses me to wake me from my sleep and every night we kiss before we dream of you and your little, wiggly toes.

We are ready for you, son.  When we made love, we called your name.  You answered that call.  Like the wind blowing through the leaves of the beech tree, you ever so lightly settled into the belly of an angel.  She will now teach both of us how to know God.  You are man by nature, my son, and God by the grace of God.

Your mother is sleeping right now.  It is time to wake her from her nap.  It is one of my favorite things to do, for when I wake her she looks at me as if she has not seen me for a hundred years and you know what she does next, she takes my hand and places it on her belly and she giggles as you move.  Living, my son, is unimaginably beautiful.  We can’t wait to share it with you…

My Baby Boy

Yesterday was a day I will remember for the rest of my life.  It was the day Monika and I were introduced to William Leonard Dunbar, V.  We will call him Willi and he will be our baby boy.

Watching the screen in front of me during the ultrasound was a life-changing experience.  For months, Monika and I thought we were having a little girl.  In so many ways, I thought I wanted a little girl.  “I want a little Monika running around our house!” I would say to people asking me what I thought was growing in my angel’s belly.

And then…

I saw him.  And for a moment of complete clarity, I knew that this is what I had wanted all along, though I was too afraid to admit it.  I will have a son.  He will be formed in my image.  He will, most likely, want to wrestle, build forts, and run in the woods.  He will ask me questions when he is confused about his body.  He will take great pride one day when I tell him he has become a man.  I can see him.  My heart is full.

The entire ride home from the doctor’s office, I could not talk or even open my mouth, for that matter.  “My baby boy,” I would say or, “My son,” and I would begin to cry, cry, cry.  To be perfectly honest, I cannot remember a time I have cried so much in one day.  He will be a warrior for peace and love.  He will be a leader and a philosopher king.  He will love his mother and his future wife with all of his soul.  He will know truth, not seek it.  And so, it comes to pass, that I must be many of these things for to teach my son, I must be a mentor worthy of his unsoiled ears.

And if that were not enough, Monika was sitting with me through all of this.  “You have our son in your little belly!”  Cry.  “You will take care of the both of us, won’t you?” Cry.  And she would smile, with tears in her beautiful iridescent eyes and she would place my hands on her stomach and say, “Our son.”  Our son will love her and he will know that he is the luckiest, most blessed child in all of the world, because I know, just as he will know, that she is the closest thing to pure love that we can touch, that we can kiss, that we can hug.  And this realization was reflected in her eyes and in her soul through my endless tears.  And everything else, all of the illusion, just faded away and we were left, three souls in our eternity.

William Leonard Dunbar, V, our son, our legacy, our love.